5 reasons to stop watching the A-League

Despite Justin Pasfield's best efforts, it has been the most boring week in football since the ethnic cleansing in 2005. You know there's something wrong when Henrique is running riot. 

You should stop watching the A-League. Hell, you should stop watching football completely after such a horrible weekend. Here's why. 

1. 456 minutes between drinks
If you live in Newcastle you'd want to have watched the F3 derby on the weekend as your team scored for the first time in over seven hours. In seven hours I could have finished reading my girlfriend 50 Shades of Grey, had my way with her aroused self and puffed my way through a Cuban cigar. It's a much more alluring thought than having to wait that long for the Jets' next goal.

2. Brisbane Roar are back on top
What are we, in 2011? Or maybe 2012? Gimme a break. We've seen it all before; Roar winning time after time. With three wins from four the Queensland side are the safe money to take top honours again this year. Where's the excitement in knowing 23 rounds in advance who are going to be Champions? I'll take a bet on Manchester United making top four this season any day of the week. The A-League is just too predictable. English Premier League for life.

3. Heart think they're on the right track
Yeah right, Melbourne Two. As if you're going to start winning games after a three nil defeat to Roar in round four. You've got about as much chance this season as Sydney FC players have in Kings Cross after a home game against the Wanderers. It's not like when Harry Kewell returns he'll find his past superstar form and make a massive difference, or that you'll eventually stop hitting the goalposts and put balls in the net. Nah, Heart have buckley's, and you shouldn't want to follow a team or a league that has such high delusions of grandeur.

4. Monday night football you nonces
The fuck? On Monday night I'm settling in with a nice pasta, glass of pinot and a rerun of Gilmore Girls; I don't wanna be watching more football. Football is for 3am on a Sunday morning. The only state in the country happy with your Monday night shenanigans is Victoria, who have the tenacity to call for a public holiday on Melbourne Cup day. Everyone else in the country have to go to work the next morning, so we can't be up late watching the A-League. 9:30pm finish on a school night - what are we, narcolepts?

5. Farina not good enough
Ol' Frankywankey claims the refereeing is not good enough and wants video technology and professional full-time referees in the code. Blah blah blah, we've heard it all before. What a boring press conference. Unless I get a guarantee that in his presser next week he'll wear a spinning bowtie and sing "We are the Champions" substituting 'are' with 'will be' then I'm out. Quit telling me what I know and tell me why my team is losing every week farken.