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Newcastle’s performance, which was one of the worst in a decade of the league, looked as though it belonged in the Adelaide Fringe Festival such was the comical nature of it.
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Seven goals to nothing was only half the story. The Reds constantly passed around the Newcastle midfielders and hit through the Newcastle defenders
Jets passes were misplaced, and more often than not either two players or no one went for the ball. If there was a song for the way they played, it’d be Roy Orbison’s Communication Breakdown.
After two minutes the Reds were ahead when Bruce Djite found himself unmarked in the box from a Craig Goodwin cross, and buried the chance in the six yard box.
20 Adelaide-dominated minutes later, Marcelo Carrusca doubled the lead after being played through the defence and went one-on-one with Ben Kennedy.
As he stepped around the keeper and passed into the open goal, the Newcastle defenders were in the same spot as when the move started.
The Jets weren’t the only one to put on a slapstick performance at Coopers though, as referee Matthew Conger decided to award the hosts a penalty in the 26th minute.
Adrian Madaschi had knocked over Michael Marrone in the box, and the resulting spot-kick from Carusca would be one of the most frustrating moments of the afternoon for Stubbins’ men.
The kick was chipped straight at Kennedy who caught it easily, only to be told it had to be taken again as the Jets players encroached in the area. Carrusca’s second effort was blasted into the corner, and before half an hour was up it was three-nil.
So bewildered was Madaschi that after he was dragged by Stubbins in the 29th minute he walked to the wrong bench. Whoever wrote the script for this fixture is a comic genius.
The jokes just kept on coming six minutes later when centre-back Nigel Boorgaard scored his second of the season.
Fellow defender Osama Malik knocked a header from the far post straight into the ground from a Goodwin corner and while it was bouncing towards goal, the ball clipped Boogaard’s big foot and rolled into the post and over the line.
The second half started exactly where the first finished. The crowd bellowed when Josep Gombau gave Stubbins the equivalent of a coaching bitch-slap when he brought keeper Paul Izzo off for reserve John Hall, and at the other end Ben Kennedy gave away another penalty which Sergio Cirio buried.
Not long beforehand, Djite grabbed his second and once again the Reds passed around the traffic cones that the Jets call defenders.
But it was in the final seconds of the match that when one kick summed up the whole day.
Isaias casually walked with the ball to about the 25 yard mark, and when no one moved in front of him to collect a pass and not a single Newcastle defender came to him, he decided to have a pop.
The resulting chip flew over Kennedy and into the back of the net, and one of the goals of the season capped off one of the performances of the season.
Phil Stubbins, still looking shocked after the match, said that the performance was as awful as they come.
“I think the desire amongst the group to actually go out and try and achieve something just wasn’t there,” Stubbins said
“We got smashed from start to finish; it could have probably been more… we were clearly second best from start to finish.
“My head’s full at this point in time with a lot of things swirling around in my mind,” he said.
Meanwhile Josep Gombau was sensibly satisfied after the thrashing, enjoying his team’s biggest win since he took over.
“We are satisfied with today’s game, we had a very good game, we are happy,” Gombau said.
“Today we scored the chances that we had, and it’s important because sometimes we create but we don’t score.
“I’m proud for the boys and I’m happy because everyone who came to the stadium enjoyed it, and this is important,” he said.
Newcastle will take a fortnight to reflect before hosting Brisbane Roar on 6 February, whilst Adelaide travel to the Central Coast the following day.
Adelaide United: 2. Michael Marrone, 3. Nigel Boogaard (C), 6. Osama Malik, 8. Isaias, 9. Sergio Cirio, 10. Marcelo Carrusca (Awer Mabil 71’), 11. Bruce Djite, 16. Craig Goodwin (Pablo Sanchez 45’), 18. Jimmy Jeggo, 20. Paul Izzo (GK) (John Hall (GK) 60’), 21. Tarek Elrich
Unused Substitutes: 14. Cameron Watson, 24. Bruce Kamau
Newcastle Jets: 2. Scott Neville, 4. Kew Raffique Jaliens (C), 5. Ben Kantarovski (Jacob Pepper 77’), 6. Adrian Madaschi (Allan Welsh 29’), 8. Zenon Caravella, 9. Joel Griffiths, 11. Andrew Hoole, 12. Sam Gallagher, 13. Edson Montano (Radovan Pavicevic 53’), 20. Ben Kennedy (GK), 23. David Carney
Unused Substitutes: 14. Billy Celeski, Mark Birighitti (GK)